i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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