I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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