i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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