This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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