I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
