Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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