Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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