just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
