Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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