Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
