Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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