I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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