Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he shaved USA in his pubs
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
