Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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