I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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