i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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