1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
BRING THE BAGELS
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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