: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
