Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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