I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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