Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
