is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
