I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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