We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
