$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think my mom watched the whole time
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
