The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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