The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
