yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
