im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize