Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize