So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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