im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
