May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize