i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Even my vagina gasped.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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