Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
