Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I just sharted jello shots
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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