sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize