The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
