Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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