Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
