You work out of a Hotel?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
