Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
