Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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