My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
