Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so let's talk penis.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
