she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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