I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
wow bdsm is so cute
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
