Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
