Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
