Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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