I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
