Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
