i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
