Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
