She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
