does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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