i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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