I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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