I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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