He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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