I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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