i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
