I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
