my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
