I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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