i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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